The Courage to Be Disliked
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Mindset
The Courage to Be Disliked
Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
All problems are relationship problems, and freedom is being willing to be disliked.
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Lessons learned
01
Trauma doesn't decide your life.
The Adlerian view is that we choose how to use our past. I don't fully buy it, but acting as if it's true has been useful.
02
Separate the tasks.
What I think of someone is my task. What they think of me is theirs. Most anxiety comes from trying to do other people's tasks.
03
Being disliked is the price of freedom.
If nobody is ever unhappy with me, I'm living for their approval. That's a cage with good reviews.
04
Don't compete, contribute.
Life isn't a race against other people. The healthy version is feeling useful to a community.
05
Live in the now.
Not the goal at the end, but the dance in the middle. This one lands harder every year I spend building things.
Who should read it
People pleasers, and anyone who makes decisions based on what others will say. It's written as a dialogue, which makes the hard ideas easier to swallow.
